- PPF Points
- 2,100
Man, 2023 feels like a lifetime ago. Back then, I was shoveling out $600 a month to a virtual assistant just to answer DMs, shoot out freebies, chase down email addresses, wrangle my online leads, you name it. All the grindy, repetitive stuff that makes you want to swan-dive out the window after a long day.
Flash forward—because time's fake anyway—and, get this: I built a Telegram bot over one lazy weekend, and now that little robot does, like, 90% of the stuff my VA did. For free. No attitude, no sick days, no “Sorry, my WiFi died.” It just... runs. All day, every day.
So, here’s the deal—I’m gonna break down exactly how I built my Telegram “superbot.” I’ll spill about the tools, dump some code samples (not those AI “guess-the-output” thingies—actual working bits), show you where it fits in real life, and basically show you why I get to sleep in more, now.
Been eyeing automation for your biz? This might be the nudge you need.
—
Real Talk: Bots vs. Virtual Assistants
Look, I’m not anti-VA. Good assistants are rad, but let’s not pretend they’re perfect. Let me paint you a picture:
| Problem | Reality check |
|------------|-------------------------|
| Time | VAs gotta sleep. Bots? Never. |
| Cost | $300–$1,000/month. Bots? $0 (yep). |
| Consistency| VAs have off days. Bots don’t lose focus, don’t get grumpy. |
| Speed | VAs reply when they see it. Bots are basically The Flash. |
| Scale | Ten people, ten thousand people—bot doesn’t care. |
My bot is doing all the soul-sucking, rules-based chores so I can pay humans for real creative work or strategy. Humans for brains, bots for busywork. Chef’s kiss.
—
Daily Grind: What My Telegram Bot Actually Does
Peep this upgrade:
| Task | Old Way | Now My Bot |
|----------------------|----------------|---------------|
| FAQs | Manual replies | Insta-answers |
| Freebie delivery | Copy-paste | Auto-send |
| Email collection | Boring sheets | Auto-magical |
| Call scheduling | VA calendar slog| Bot hooks to Calendly|
| Spam filtering | Tedious review | Bot squashes nonsense|
| New user onboarding | VA hand-holding| Bot walks ‘em through|
| Group Mod | VA scans posts | Bot kicks spam in the teeth|
It’s like having a hyper-efficient receptionist, assistant, and moderator who never gets bored, cranky, or tired of your questions.
—
Nerd Time: Building My Telegram Bot (Actually Not That Hard!)
➀ Start With Telegram’s BotFather
Hop on Telegram. Search @BotFather (not his real name, but kinda sounds like a mafia boss, right?).
Example:
—
➁ Install Python & Telegram Bits
Yeah, I used Python. It just works for this. (Sorry, Java fans.)
Optional:
—
➂ Set Up a Basic Menu (Gotta Greet People)
Here’s the skeleton:
So whenever someone hits /start, they get a pretty menu, instead of that blinking cursor of doom.
—
➃ Send Freebies On Demand
Want your users to feel instant gratification? Do this:
Swap out “freebie.pdf” for whatever—Notion templates, secret links, discount codes, cursed memes... you get the vibe.
—
➄ Collect Emails Like a Data Goblin
Don’t just give away the goods—collect that sweet, sweet email data first.
Bonus: Hook it into Google Sheets, or even fire off an email campaign, if you’re feeling spicy.
—
➅ Stop Wasting Time on Calendly Links
I was gonna drop the Calendly code here, but you get the idea. Hook the bot up via API, shoot the booking link, done.
Honestly, if you’re slogging through the same messages every day, just let bots do it for you. Humans are way too expensive, and frankly, too precious, to waste on this stuff. Now, if only a bot could do my taxes…
Flash forward—because time's fake anyway—and, get this: I built a Telegram bot over one lazy weekend, and now that little robot does, like, 90% of the stuff my VA did. For free. No attitude, no sick days, no “Sorry, my WiFi died.” It just... runs. All day, every day.
So, here’s the deal—I’m gonna break down exactly how I built my Telegram “superbot.” I’ll spill about the tools, dump some code samples (not those AI “guess-the-output” thingies—actual working bits), show you where it fits in real life, and basically show you why I get to sleep in more, now.
Been eyeing automation for your biz? This might be the nudge you need.
—

Look, I’m not anti-VA. Good assistants are rad, but let’s not pretend they’re perfect. Let me paint you a picture:
| Problem | Reality check |
|------------|-------------------------|
| Time | VAs gotta sleep. Bots? Never. |
| Cost | $300–$1,000/month. Bots? $0 (yep). |
| Consistency| VAs have off days. Bots don’t lose focus, don’t get grumpy. |
| Speed | VAs reply when they see it. Bots are basically The Flash. |
| Scale | Ten people, ten thousand people—bot doesn’t care. |
My bot is doing all the soul-sucking, rules-based chores so I can pay humans for real creative work or strategy. Humans for brains, bots for busywork. Chef’s kiss.
—

Peep this upgrade:
| Task | Old Way | Now My Bot |
|----------------------|----------------|---------------|
| FAQs | Manual replies | Insta-answers |
| Freebie delivery | Copy-paste | Auto-send |
| Email collection | Boring sheets | Auto-magical |
| Call scheduling | VA calendar slog| Bot hooks to Calendly|
| Spam filtering | Tedious review | Bot squashes nonsense|
| New user onboarding | VA hand-holding| Bot walks ‘em through|
| Group Mod | VA scans posts | Bot kicks spam in the teeth|
It’s like having a hyper-efficient receptionist, assistant, and moderator who never gets bored, cranky, or tired of your questions.
—

➀ Start With Telegram’s BotFather
Hop on Telegram. Search @BotFather (not his real name, but kinda sounds like a mafia boss, right?).
- Hit /newbot
- Give it a name and a username (“whatever_bot”)
- Grab your API token. Burn it into your brain (or just copy-paste somewhere safe)
Example:
You must be registered for see links
—
➁ Install Python & Telegram Bits
Yeah, I used Python. It just works for this. (Sorry, Java fans.)
pip install python-telegram-bot
Optional:
gspread
if you want Google Sheetsrequests
for Calendly or random API stuff
—
➂ Set Up a Basic Menu (Gotta Greet People)
Here’s the skeleton:
Python:
from telegram import Update, ReplyKeyboardMarkup
from telegram.ext import ApplicationBuilder, CommandHandler, ContextTypes
BOT_TOKEN = 'YOUR_BOT_TOKEN_HERE'
async def start(update: Update, context: ContextTypes.DEFAULT_TYPE):
menu = [['📄 Get Freebie', '📅 Book a Call'],
['❓ FAQs', '✉️ Contact']]
reply_markup = ReplyKeyboardMarkup(menu, resize_keyboard=True)
await update.message.reply_text(
"Hi, I’m your virtual assistant! What can I help you with today?",
reply_markup=reply_markup
)
app = ApplicationBuilder().token(BOT_TOKEN).build()
app.add_handler(CommandHandler("start", start))
app.run_polling()
—
➃ Send Freebies On Demand
Want your users to feel instant gratification? Do this:
Python:
from telegram.ext import MessageHandler, filters
async def send_freebie(update: Update, context: ContextTypes.DEFAULT_TYPE):
await update.message.reply_document(open("freebie.pdf", "rb"))
app.add_handler(MessageHandler(filters.TEXT & filters.Regex('📄 Get Freebie'), send_freebie))
—
➄ Collect Emails Like a Data Goblin
Don’t just give away the goods—collect that sweet, sweet email data first.
Python:
email_db = []
async def request_email(update: Update, context: ContextTypes.DEFAULT_TYPE):
await update.message.reply_text("What’s your email so I can ping you with updates?")
async def collect_email(update: Update, context: ContextTypes.DEFAULT_TYPE):
email = update.message.text
if "@" in email:
email_db.append(email)
await update.message.reply_text("Nice! Freebie’s coming your way.")
await update.message.reply_document(open("freebie.pdf", "rb"))
else:
await update.message.reply_text("Hm, that doesn’t look right. Try again?")
app.add_handler(MessageHandler(filters.TEXT & filters.Regex('📄 Get Freebie'), request_email))
app.add_handler(MessageHandler(filters.TEXT & ~filters.COMMAND, collect_email))
—
➅ Stop Wasting Time on Calendly Links
I was gonna drop the Calendly code here, but you get the idea. Hook the bot up via API, shoot the booking link, done.
Honestly, if you’re slogging through the same messages every day, just let bots do it for you. Humans are way too expensive, and frankly, too precious, to waste on this stuff. Now, if only a bot could do my taxes…